Sunday, 28 December 2003

Christmas is over thankfully, but here in the dark valley. Most things are still shut, still the emotion, the loss and the trauma (yep I had a visit from my mum) is regressing to a point where it can be handled with a little more grace.

I’m back to work too, I know it’s a Sunday, but god I can’t do with all that sitting around, so I’ve just done the first draft of my press release regarding my invite to Downing Street, revamped my schools information into a simpler form, so I can get mailing out though, and I’ve started putting my new agent’s contact detail into place on the letterheads and so on. Tomorrow I might take a wild boyish stab at writing a poem or two.

I’ve been slipping with my yoga a bit, can’t get up on these grim Yorkshire mornings, but anyway. Had a lovely night last night, my friend Marie came to visit with her sister Viv and her friend, and Hannah and the kids were over. The meeting of worlds. Scary stuff sometimes, but I refuse to have to compartmentalise my friendships and relationships anymore in the fear that someone might leave me, I have done that too much in my life. When there was never anything to worry about. No more. No more

Music in the house today, Miles Davis – birth of the cool, and we're watching ‘Wings of Desire’ tonight woo hooo.

if you could do with a laugh have a look at these

Monday, 22 December 2003

A lot of space between my entries these days, I guess its that time of year when everything seems a bit too hard, I admit I have been reclusive this year following the stuff that’s been going on, I guess I find things a bit too much sometimes and my connections get lost in the mix.

Today is the void day in the year when the sun’s influence is at his least; we are like a ball at the top of its curve just before it comes back down. A stopgap, a breath.

I’ve got the accountant today, so I’ll know what my tax damage is by 3pm, I’ve spent the last 3 days trying to get all my papers in order for him, so no weekend for me. I plan to work through this Christmas and New Year, I’ll have my mum over for Xmas dinner and spend time with the family in the evenings but I feel the need to crack on, to work for success. Things aren’t moving fast enough for me, but my reputation as a poet is growing well. Capitalising on that is the trick. I’m just about to sign with a new agent so I hope that stirs up the pot a bit. And while everyone is chistmasing, I’ll be building my life up with poetry and art and admin. I just don’t feel like I can take the pressure off, though I will try and be restful. Maybe next year when my heart has healed a bit, I can fall into winter but this year is covered by the pale long shadow of the last year’s stupidity and loss, and it is without reconciliation. All I can do is keep on keeping on. Like Curtis says.

I have to do some press releases as I’ve been invited to 10 Downing Street to a reception with the Prime Minister because of my recent work. I will attend, in recognition of the work, not that I have any love for this government or its leader. I also want to get into some poetry ideas I have floating in my head. But now it’s time for tea and crumpets and marmite

I just wrote my year up in 19 words on the mayfly project website, a strangle satisfying thing to attempt

Saturday, 6 December 2003

A Saturday and I'm up early to sell my wares at an arts market in Leeds, not many people come but in terms of networking, with the artists and companies there it is fab. I'm getting worried, as the phone hasn't rung for a while with a job, so I'm holding my breath a bit. Oh, freelance life. Just got to keep pushing the work out there, and enjoying it.

Dinner in Leeds and then coffees in a lovely middle eastern cafe, very relaxed, there is nothing like this back in Hebden, everything shuts before you need it and if you don't drink in pubs yr screwed for going out.